My Life Story

It was made known to me that many of my readers do not know me very well on a personal level. My first blog post was a mini bio, but was bereft of many cute details concerning my life. I will now give a more in depth look into what makes me tick, what I have been through, and what my overall modus operandi really is.

Boring stuff first. I was born in 1987 in the rainiest place in America, Seattle. My family, for a slew of reasons moved frequently. I found myself going to many elementary schools and transporting my toys from one house to another. I bounced around various municipalities within Washington until we moved to Las Vegas when I was 6. My gambling problem escalated quickly,forcing us into another move, this time to Phoenix sometime before my 8th birthday. This is where the bulk of my childhood and early teen memories were had.

For many years I was scared that I was doomed to be a homunculus for the remainder of my days. I was under 5 feet tall until I was 14 years old. This lack of height was not a huge hurdle, but probably contributed to my desire to make people cackle. My days in Phoenix consisted of swimming, playing youth basketball, baseball and football and having crushes on girls that were taller and more pubescent than me. My interests as an adolescent were very eclectic. I dabbled in yo-yo-ing. I did a kick flip several times on a skateboard. I Read multiple editions of The Guiness Book of World Records. I engaged in some heavy reading of the Garfield & Friends series. I had some minor baby-sitting stints. I discovered I liked music. My first albums were of course Jamiroquai, Eiffel 65, Michael Jackson, and Eminem. Oh, and an obsession with Beastie Boys was started. It was here that I got my first kiss at a party when I was 13. But only my journal is privy to the tawdry details of that night.

Right before high school my parents decided that we needed to move to rural Utah. I thought this was a terrible idea, which was expressed outwardly by tears. But after a while, and a full season of basketball I came to love Monroe, Utah and its wonderful residents. High school was fun. I was relatively popular in a high school of under 400 students, which is about as easy as being the cool kid at computer camp. I played basketball, tennis and Track and Field. I dated a girl or two, usually younger and usually to no avail. And I graduated with an unprecedented GPA of 3.4. Or 3.2.

After high school I took my mediocrity to Dixie State to be around the sunshine and take advantage of naive women before I served an LDS mission. My mission was the best experience of my life. I served in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil for two years and learned more than I can verbalize in a blog post. When I returned I went to Southern Utah University for one semester before I was talked into selling alarms in Philadelphia with my friends. There I made a small amount of dinero and fell in love with the East Coast. I am the type of person that upon entering a new city (even just to get gas)immediately looks up the local history on Wikipedia. So the many townships and cities we worked in in Pennsylvania and Virginia delighted me immensely. After my summer of selling alarms to people that could not afford them, I moved to Provo, UT to attend Utah Valley University, and let's face it, search for a suitable if not prodigious mate.

The last 4 years have been spent in Provo coaching high school basketball and putting through college. I am almost done,and will soon be a high school history teacher. My time in Provo has been peppered with lesser paramours and forgettable aches of the heart. The thing about break ups and broken hearts is that it feels like the cataclysmic apocalypse to you, but to everyone else it is just cliche. It is something everyone goes through, so no one really feels that bad. In summation, I am still single and searching for my counterpart. But let's not focus on a subject matter that deserves the attention of an entire book.

I want to finish with some miscellaneous information about myself that is of no real importance or relevance, but will hopefully be of some interest to those who don't know me from Adam. I am 6'3" and a burly 165 pounds. I have fickle hair and large calf muscles. My biceps are comparable to PVC pipes, but I have a healthy confidence that negates any possible insecurities surrounding my slim frame. I am not too keen on sweets, which people often mistake for me being very health conscientious or coyly abstemious. On the contrary. I eat like a barbarian. I eat out far too often and drink soda like a maniac, I just cannot stomach things that are excessively sweet in taste. I have an open disdain for animals. Cats and dogs are my only real mortal enemies, and no amount of debate can cajole me into accepting them as cute friends. I am a logophile. This means I love words. I try my best not to sound pedantic, but I learn new words everyday, so I intend to insert them into my speech. I love writing and I suck at golf. I love travelling and have an annotated history of every city that I have set foot in. I enjoy film greatly and have a similar documentation of all the movies I have ever seen. My aspirations and goals in life are grandiose and many, and I intend on being wildly successful, but not necessarily affluent. I love people and loathe negativity. If there is anything else you would like to know about me, feel free to ask. You will likely receive a loquacious response. Get at me.