Sometimes you see two people hug. Maybe a father and a
wayward son, maybe a grandmother and her new baby granddaughter, perhaps just
two old college roommates, and for a fleeting moment you feel a surge of
unplaced love, of longing, of brotherhood. Maybe that’s one of the secrets of
the universe, a way of spreading humanity and kindness, through a witnessed
hug. You can see the love, the cheeks touching, the smelling of hair, the back
slaps, the jovial laughs, the quivering lips, and the aching hearts. It’s
beautiful.
The other day I saw two friends hug. They obviously hadn't
seen each other in a long time. Maybe it was months, but it could have been
longer. All I saw was genuine love, pure excitement, and it made me smile. But
I don’t know these two guys, and never will. So why was I moved? Why was I so
briefly affected by this display of friendship? I don’t know. Maybe I needed to
see it. Maybe I was having a bad day, or just a bad hour. The reality is I was
moved because I witness in graceful brevity two people who cared about each
other, and for the tiniest moment the earth froze for them. Nothing else
mattered but their embrace, and their mutual feeling of acceptance.
I am not the kind of person that weeps upon seeing a vivid
rainbow, and I do not tear up when I see a person helping a stranger. But a
well-written movie, a penetrating song, a word, a hug (apparently), can elicit
a peculiar liquid from my eyes.
Not all of us are huggers, but all of us are lovers. Whether
we are extroverts or hermits, we need and yearn for love. We might not fancy a
bear hug from a parent or even a side hug from an acquaintance, but we all need
a little love sometimes. And sometimes that love comes in the form of a
reminder. Somehow seeing two grown men in suites made me think of my father, of
how much it means to hug him sometimes. Most of the time it is just ritual,
part of the life of two semi affectionate people. But sometimes the days are
too hard, and too many, and our shoulders collide and we hold on a little
longer, silently telling each other that it will be okay, it will get better.
I don’t know what has come over me. Sometimes I feel like I
am going through manapause. I get these random waves of sentimentality. These
waves are uninvited, unmanly, and a little nauseating to others I am sure. But
better to be maudlin than to be course and emotionally impenetrable I suppose.
I will finish with words that hopefully encapsulate what I
am trying to say. Okay it doesn't really encapsulate things necessarily, but it
is cute and needs to be said. I thank Deb Caletti for the following reminder:
“That’s what people do who love you. They put their arms around you and love
you when you are not so lovable.”