What We Desire Vs. What We Deserve
The above subject, for whatever cosmic reason
has been circling around my ever tangential thoughts lately. I look at all the
things I want out of life, all of my deepest desires, and I wonder if I really
deserve them. I wonder if my desires are congruous with my actions. Am I
setting grandiose goals without creating a means by which I can accomplish
them? Am I just hoping my little heart out, without getting my knees scuffed
and my elbows dirty? These are some questions that have been weighing on me,
and I wonder if my personal moments of introspection can't resonate with
others. So, let's talk about courtship. We have all waited for this subject to
surface. Who among us (being men) doesn't want that elusive prize? Maybe we do
not all want the quote on quote trophy wife, but who doesn't think they deserve
an amazing quasi-perfect girl with fantastic features, impeccable personality
and stunning social skills? We all do. My question is, are we doing everything
in our power (as men) to be that potential counterpart for someone? Are we
striving omnivorously to improve ourselves physically, mentally, and
spiritually? If I for instance want a future spouse who is in unbelievable
shape, and incapable of ever gaining weight in the future, am I likewise
diligent in maintaining those same bodily characteristics myself? If
superficiality in terms of longevity is that important, then it better go both
ways. What about something more important...What if I desire a future mate that
will be the perfect mother, and spiritual compass for my children? Do I really
deserve such a wonderful specimen if I am not working insatiably to
achieve a similar mantel of paternal greatness and spiritual prowess while
I am single? These are questions that we should all ask ourselves. Because I am
confident that only a very small percentage of the population thinks they deserve
something sub-par. Few people imagine their future wife or husband to be not
much more than the dregs of society. So, no matter what putative social or
economic class we find ourselves in, should we not strive for the
best? Should we not procure the choicest of people to surround ourselves
with? Should we not aspire to excel in whatever endeavor we come across? We
absolutely should. Let us save mediocrity for another day. Let us dominate
today. But furthermore, let's get what we deserve by deserving it. If you want
a "10", be a ten. If you want to be rich, work like someone who
deserves to be rich. If you want something special in your life, be something
special. Maybe this sounds like one man's convoluted diatribe about karma. But
saying be good and you will receive good is oversimplifying my message. I am a
true believer in the power of optimism, but success is more than just
thrusting positivism out into the universe. It is about getting up and
doing. It is about an epic attitude that generates unreal results. The author
and pastor Charles Swindoll perhaps articulated it best:
"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on
life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important
than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures,
than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important
than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a
church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day
regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our
past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We
cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one
string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10%
what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.
And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes."
Very well said, Taylor. It reminds me about a quote from Emerson where he says we have to be our own before we can be another's. Love it!
ReplyDeleteI agree, we have to be the change we want to see in the world and be the person we want to end up with for our happily ever after.
ReplyDeleteGreat writing and excellent use of rhetorical questions. Your words reminded me of this short piece by Eduardo Galeano (let me know if you need translation):
ReplyDelete"Un hombre de las viñas habló, en agonía, al oído de Marcela. Antes de morir, le reveló su secreto:
"—La uva —le susurró— está hecha de vino.
"Marcela Pérez-Silva me lo contó, y yo pensé: Si la uva está hecha de vino, quizá nosotros somos las palabras que cuentan lo que somos".
You can find it in El Libro de los abrazos, p. 4.
Thank you, I know Spanish....Lovely piece. I appreciate you.
DeleteI've been thinking about the questions you posed. I don't intend to provide answers to them here. Rather, I'll just say that they actually got me thinking about some other questions I've asked myself. I don't intend to sound more important than I actually am, because I have asked myself the questions you proposed. Nevertheless, at some of the most crucial points in my life, I've actually asked myself: How much am I willing to compromise for this person? Can I find happiness in living with whatever-it-is all my life?
DeleteAt the same time, I've asked myself: Are my expectations too high? Do I think and feel I deserve more than what I'm supposed to be asking for? And this brings back a quote from The Perks of Being a Wallflower (the movie): "We accept the love we think we deserve."
And thus I go back to the questions you were asking: Do I deserve all that I think I deserve?
Sorry for the rambling comment. I don't own a blog.
You're such a great writer! I'm thoroughly impressed and excited to keep reading your posts!
ReplyDeleteAnais
Thanks. You guys are my hero couple.
DeleteAmen, always believed this principle, even though my execution often falls short of my ideals.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the amen Darren. Long time no see. I want to ball with you. And play with your children.
ReplyDelete